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The Deal Breakers
by Ellen Friedrichs
Deal Breakers. Everyone's got them. You know: the
instant turn-offs that can turn a romantic dinner for
two into an immediate request for the check. Whether we
keep ours in an easily accessible mental list, or are
surprised by them every time, most discerning folks will
have encountered a deal breaker at some point during
their dating career?
For Evan, 26, the issues is smokers. "Lighting up is
about the least sexy thing a woman can do. No matter how
hot she is, cigarettes are an instant turn off.
Everything about it, the smell, the look, the health
hazard, just doesn't do it for me." For Rebecca, a
thirty year-old musician the answer is obvious. "If I am
out with a guy and he makes racist, sexist or homophobic
comments, I know I will never see him again. I just
don't have time to school a guy after only meeting him
once." Thirty-five year-old Amanda lists several deal
breakers including: living at home, being unemployed and
having significantly different politics. "At this stage
in my life," she says, "I need someone who has their
life in order and who I won't have to fight with every
time I open the newspaper." Some deal breakers don't
become apparent until a date is already in progress.
Jeremy a twenty-nine year old massage therapist recounts
his worst dating experience. "I asked out a woman who I
work with. We had dinner and then went to a local bar. I
was having a really good time but when we got the bar,
the bouncer asked to see her ID. He took one look at it
and declared it a fake. Then he confiscated the thing
and warned us never to come back unless we wanted him to
call the cops! She was mortified and admitted she was
only nineteen. I really liked her, but I couldn't
imagine going out with a teenager."
Some deal breakers can make perfect sense. Being rude to
a waiter, stinginess and incessant ramblings about an ex
are clear mood killers. Others are less obvious. People
cite everything from a date owning a dog, to being a
caffeine drinker, suggesting a vegetarian restaurant or
refusing to see anything but art-house flicks, as
reasons that a second date will not be in the cards.
For those individuals who know what they can and cannot
tolerate in a potential partner, internet dating can be
a lifesaver. It is pretty easy to state on a profile
that the person you are looking for needs to be
employed, able to figure out an appropriate tip and not
turn up in sandals and socks. For those who are less
sure of a deal breaker until presented with the request
for a personal medical history, suggestion that the
second date be held at a nudist camp or a car radio
tuned into smooth jazz, the situation can be a little
trickier. But, think of it this way: you can always tuck
these deal breakers away as fodder for the amusing
stories that will inevitably be told after your current
date wonders, "I have to ask you, why on earth did you
write please do not respond if you have any interest in
ornithology, whatsoever!"
Ellen Friedrichs is a dating advisor for MetroChai. To
read more articles and tips visit our blog at http://nydating.blogspot.com/
For free online dating visit http://www.metrochai.com
joeb@metrochai.com
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